Let it go

   Whatever you feel is holding you back or is bringing back bad memories try as much as you can to let it go. We don't have the power to change the past so why should we keep living in it. Let those past mistakes be the stepping stones to your future. If you need to talk to a therapist or anyone at all please do, get the necessary help that you need. If you don't treat a wound , it won't heal probably and that gives way to all sorts of bacteria which can lead to infections and possibly even death. That's exactly what can happen to a person who refuses to let go of the past. 
  Yes it's easier said than done, I totally agree with you but it's good to start somewhere. You are so much better than what you used to be years ago. That was a different "you", if need be cut yourself away from friends and people who only view you from your past life. Do yourself this big favor and cut these toxins off such people are bad for your spiritual growth. Surround yourself with good people. Don't ever believe that you don't deserve better because you do. You deserve so much better because deep down inside you are a person who is trying to evolve and change for the best. Try not to compare yourself to others because your journey will never be a duplicate to somebody else's. Stay in your own lane and work on being the best version of yourself. The only person I compete with is myself. I want that whatever it is that I have done in the previous years, I have outdone it in my current year. 
I'm not saying that I am not currently passing through some storms because I am, and I believe that everyone is too. It's just that I've chosen to look at it from an optimistic perspective because life is too short. If I spend the remaining years of my life regretting the mistakes I have made and sobbing over the things I didn't get to accomplish I am wasting too much of my precious time. If crying helps you to relieve those feelings then by all means cry but after you shed those tears dust yourself off and try again. The journey isn't over, that's why you're still alive. Keep fighting, keep learning from your mistakes, keep growing and most importantly let go of the chains that are holding you back, be free and let it go.